Muffination

Pride

2010-01-27T10:13:00.002+08:00

Ears against your beating heart, there was a moment's peace, and a rhythm that could have gone on forever if i had let it. But i turned away, and into the dark forests where the mind worms dwell. Like a fish in a tidal wave, carried onward, toward a raging annihilation.

Sometimes pride is the only thing preventing you from letting go, as you stare into the steely gaze of the leviathan, knowing that your last moments are that of bitter hubris. Is the feeling in our hearts, that of going after something we can never attain, at all natural? because it seems to me that we're heading deeper into the abyss than we can hope to return from.

New Directions

2010-01-27T03:24:00.003+08:00

You once asked me why my heart beat so fast

and i didn't know what to say

but now i realise that it beat so fast because i didn't know how to slow down

the beauty of life is in it's brevity

but can the same be said for a heart?

An old song

2009-12-30T17:58:00.000+08:00

The scenario hurries to transform, in a gradual way I remember that even in the bottom of the ocean, some light shines down With a sound, and the key that I have in my hand now What can I make happen? Can even flames be alight with sadness? Feel across the borderline Now you're saved and you understand Well, we'll taste the fingers of god We're searching to attack one another With the poison that lurks within each of our breaths Feel across the borderline

-Borderline by Onitsuka Chihiro

Christmas Spirit

2009-12-17T18:03:00.003+08:00

it feels good to see people everywhere wearing santa hats despite the heat (31 degrees!). there's a christmassy feeling in the air. (despite everyone feeling all hot and sticky, i insisted on playing Def Leppard's Pour Some Sugar on Me and rocking out =D)

screw thanksgiving. the sight of a homeless man on his knees wearing a santa hat makes me thankful for the life i have. when he wished me "Merry Christmas" after i gave him some change, i felt a pinge of guilt for taking so many things in my life for granted. am i living my life the best i can?

i wonder if he has anyone to celebrate christmas with.

i wonder if he'll be fed on christmas eve.

i wonder if he'll get presents.

Focus..

2009-12-17T17:54:00.002+08:00

the lack of it rather.. procrastinated for 16 hours, tried to study but fell ASLEEP in my chair. i crammed the contents of 3 weeks intensive algebra in half an hour. fingers crossed, but i know i don't deserve it. will probably pass though. :p

i have to remember this feeling... the focus i feel from going to class, meeting up with friends, posting last minute stuff, playing some guitar, returning a dvd, buying dinner, going to the gym and cooking dinner (baked cod with lemon and pepper seasoning), all in the short space of 6 hours.

the feeling of doing so many things in so short a time, the rush i feel rather than the starchy tuber feeling from watching youtube sitcoms. (btw the guild is awesome. go check it out.)

You're a talented human being...

2009-12-17T03:45:00.002+08:00

3 hours ago, i sat down to study...

since then i've discovered so. many. ways. you can entertain yourself online.

digg.com does not help.

theguild episodes on youtube... they don't help either.

there are so many pictures of beggars holding up funny signs on the internet.

i wonder who takes pictures of funny beggars for a living.

isn't that sadder than actually being a beggar?

i'm gonna grow up to be a beggar if i don't study for this test. jeez.

The things you throw away..

2009-12-16T21:59:00.002+08:00

you know the feeling you get when you're cleaning your room and you find little bits of things like a tiny spring and just suck it into the vacuum?

i just figured out what it was i vacuumed 3 days ago.

no it's not important. just one less puzzle in my world. :)

SSR in Boston!

2009-12-14T13:05:00.001+08:00

"Everyone has their own preparation method for a big run. For some, that includes smoking."

nice.

Good Energy..

2009-12-14T12:58:00.002+08:00

you know you hate people who use that expression to describe anything that's not scientific.

Best. Weekend. Ever.

2009-12-13T15:59:00.003+08:00

basically just slept a lot and was rarely home (mealtimes in the zayn household always seem to coincide with my waking up times this weekend).

you probably know it but don't accept it yet, but relaxing is not the same as resting. the technical term of relaxation is used to describe a state in which there is no stress, and limpness is assumed when that is applied to the human body. however, that would be resting, not relaxing. i had a very relaxing weekend. there was a lot of rest, but the goal was relaxation.

relaxation is the opposite of stress, but some forms of relaxation make you tired. like 9 hours straight of modern warfare 2. (some days you can't hit a wall in front of you, but today i actually managed to get a double head shot with a sniper rifle. needless to say it was very hard since the bullet wouldn't even penetrate ONE torso. and the models seem to have rather small heads..)

i guess mental relaxation isn't the same as body rest. rest is easy. peace is hard.

Resolute...

2009-12-09T23:49:00.005+08:00

in the search for happiness, we all resolve to do certain things, things that we think will make us happy. getting in the spirit of it all (christmas spirit included), i made a list and i checked it twice.. but in recent weeks it's been hard to keep to that list, not to mention regular hours. (i never knew i was that unsusceptible to clock radio music in the mornings! always have a backup alarm!)

it doesn't help that i've been into old school cartoons in a big way... managed to get my hands on freakazoid, animaniacs and pinky&thebrain in recent weeks. and i have to say, it's an addiction that i don't care to have.

we all have our ups and downs. up, i went for a run. down, i missed class today because i overslept (what the hell is wrong that i need 13 hours of sleep??)

up, i managed some reading (more on that in another post) on my way to collect my bound thesis the other day...

DAMN STRAIGHT. I WROTE A BOOK YO.

up, went to stefan's place last week to share some love off my laptop (poor guy doesn't have internets yet) and we managed to try some local brews (no mum i didn't get drunk. it was only 5 beers.)

you have to follow the white rabbit! a little watered, but still has lots of character. the taste reminds me of forests |||:D <- that's a yoda smiley btw.

this little gem is called moo brew. (it's funnier if you have an oz accent) very palatable and rather fruity in a ale kind of way. not a fruit beer kind of way. (that's more like fruit juice.)

his place has a really dark staircase leading to the main road so i borrowed a lantern. the cabbie was pretty amused. |||: )

that's the ~~stefan~~ chicken that crossed the road. (bought a new foofbag. fire engine red! |||:D)

oh and mingyang came to visit from melbourne a couple of weeks back... photos!

we went to bondi!

and did a little rock climbing... that's him trying to... actually i don't exactly know what he was trying to do... it did get him pretty wet though.

down, slipped on a rock and had to walk rather squelchily in one shoe for half the night...

up, i just programmed my radio presets! i finally know what the hell i'm listening to.

up, i cut down on my modern warfare 2 gaming to just the weekends!

it's hard to have resolve, and just telling yourself you'll do it isn't enough.. fear of failure can only get you so far. so what is it that motivates us to seek out that which is beyond biological imperative? what is it that moves us to do the things we do? in the movie the pursuit of happyness, Christopher Gardner said "it was right then that i started thinking about Thomas Jefferson on the Declaration of Independence and the part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. and i remember thinking how did he know to put the pursuit part in there? that maybe happiness is something we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. no matter what. how did he know that?".

up, i fulfilled one of my goals, to write more! |||: )

Practice is the key...

2009-12-02T15:55:00.002+08:00

what with the exams and everything i haven't been playing my guitar as much as i'd have liked to, and since it's a beautiful day and i'm really sleepy from running around all day, let me take time away from my guitar playing for a moment to say that practice is the key!! hmm i still can't do a bar chord. very very annoying to be missing like 2mm of meat on my index finger.. i wonder if i can make it grow bigger... (finger pumps? uhh.. pills?) the key is to have a fat finger, but not too fat so you can't bend it enough to get a simple C chord out. (i've tried biting it. it didn't swell up. not that i want it to. sounds rather painful just to get a bar chord out.)

in other news, west ryde is really interesting. it's got one row of shophouses and THAT'S IT. maybe i've been on the wrong side of the train tracks, but taking the train all the way out there was quite relaxing to say the least. there's just something about trains, all running like clockwork, that feels so peaceful. quite hard to do, considering it's a few tons of steel moving quite fast. and the sun was AWESOME. it's a beautiful day today! was really sniffy this morning thanks to the cold snap over monday.

i should name my guitars. but then i'd have to remember the names. it's like... giving yourself a name. it's for the benefit of other people. i know who i am. i don't need a name to identify me to myself. there's probably some philosophical gumbo in there somewhere. screw it. time to hit the books for my test this friday!

p.s. i bought instant porridge. throatmonkey is goin DOWN! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Thesis Binding Woes

2009-12-01T16:56:00.002+08:00

after writing a thesis, you'd have thought that binding it would be the easy part... i've put quite a bit of work into this thing (i love lab work n all, but the circumstances i had to work in resulted in a lot of missed meals..) so i want to get it bound right, by the university's official bookbinders (there are two).

so off i went yesterday..

take one bus, all the while glancing at my printout of where to change busses...

take another bus... and omg i actually manage to get the exact right stop!

after walking for a good 20 minutes it starts to drizzle, and the wind was freezing coming off the river.. and after walking another 10 minutes or so i finally find the damn place. ("why didn't you take a bus, or even a cab in?" you ask.. and i would tell you that busses don't go here, and since it's an industrial estate, nope. no cabs either. i actually thought it would be a short walk. hah!)

after ringing the doorbell for a good 10 minutes, i realise that nobody's in. at 2 45pm on a monday. hooray.

so i catch a cab in the drizzle (felt like i was getting gently pissed on at this point. freezing, cold piss.) to the next outlet. which is a 10 minute drive away. 3pm, and the OTHER outlet is closed as well! searching in the rain was NOT fun.

went to school to get some stuff done, then went to stefan's new place. it's very nice, except for the cockroaches.. that made a bad day better. when i left at 1am (left school at 8pm, so dinner naturally ran late..), i had to take another cab home. (i've been taking so many cabs of late i know exactly when they change shifts. and where. lol.)

and now i've got a cold from being caught in the rain and my thesis is still not bound. it feels like there's a monkey with a back scratcher in my throat, and he's not gonna give up till he's scritched me into insanity. bah.

i still want to get it bound at an official bookbinders. the other one's 1.5 hours away. by bus, then train, and then a healthy walk. going there with a cold ain't gonna be fun. FML.

blogging means i'm studying again

2009-10-18T22:22:00.002+08:00

funny. there are so many things i want to talk about, but sometimes i wonder what the point of this blog is.

S: "can you imagine if singapore and malaysia went to war?"

A: "yeah... babi grenade 2000"

S: "imagine if someone throws nasi lemak at you. the ikan bilis would HURT. think of the SAMBAL."

A: "yeah. until we wrapped pork inside pandan leaves, then you guys would open it thinking it was lunch and get a faceful of pork. take THAT. undercover babi."

S: "or you guys would throw char siew baos... imagine all the malaysians screaming babi! babi! and running away"

A: "remember to tear off the paper before throwing..."

S: "or tear it open for maximum... carnage.."

"what about ipoh? it's mostly chinese. they're not scared of pork."

"oh wait. they're not really part of malaysia. they wouldn't be in the war."

A: "what? i'm pretty sure they're on the map somewhere..."

S: "if ipoh gets wiped out malaysia will have no more chinese people..."

A: "wait.. what were we talking about again?"

i was buying dinner the other day, and this bike roared past some distance away...

as i passed by this baby in a stroller, i heard "now THAT'S a bike!"

IMMD lol.

meh. the stress is getting to me. i haven't done my laundry for TOO LONG.

(too long = i'm starting to run out of underwear.)

i hate thesis deadline i hate thesis deadline i hate thesis deadline.

Hunting Rivets

2009-10-08T22:45:00.002+08:00

i have a lecturer who pronounces rivets as rabbits.

it's the same one who has labels on his slides such as "Weld decay in the HAZ of a s.s. weld"...

i can't believe there's no other way to phrase that. had to read it a few times to get that he's trying to say stainless steel.

and one of the slides shows a biological induced corrosion pit. (basically a hole in the metal wall of a chamber covered in algae) and you can see that the corrosion pit nicely dots the i on "dick" written in the algae.

and he asks us "why do postboxes corrode faster at the bottom than at the top?" *flash picture of postbox with corroded base*

apparently because dogs pee on it regularly.

seriously i would attend this class more often if i weren't so burned out on thursdays after my long wednesdays.

torn 3 ways...

2009-10-05T08:24:00.002+08:00

the worst thing about all nighters?

1) my stomach starts getting gastric pains

2) absolutely no appetite to eat anything

3) don't feel like wasting time eating

i get the feeling that the saying that most of the pain in our lives is self inflicted is true.

i have to remember to relax. i'm always surprised by how much my shoulders fall whenever i remind myself to relax.

weird conversations...

2009-10-05T06:11:00.002+08:00

(we're talking about porn news websites and the interesting lives of porn stars)

S: "if there's one thing i don't get it's those weird fetishes that seem to be a fad..."

me: "like feet?"

*awkward silence*

S: "so... do you like feet?"

me: "nope."

*more awkward silence*

me: "uhhh.. what about you?"

S: "nope."

*less awkward silence*

me: "it's interesting to learn things about your friends."

S: "we're THIS much closer now."

Horror Movie Awakenings...

2009-09-23T04:59:00.002+08:00

"The reason for the dust is we had some really strong winds in the inland areas of NSW and in South Australia for a sustained period yesterday," said Bureau of Meteorology senior forecaster Jane Golding.

the sun rose today, and it was foggy from the huge storm last night. but this was not normal fog. this fog... was blood red. pretty cool. it's probably an omen or something. wonder what it bodes.

I pity the fool...

2009-09-23T04:39:00.003+08:00

who lives downstairs. honestly every weekday morning at 6am the gym starts blasting dance music. it's annoying enough being 2 floors up. having pulled an all nighter makes me really irritable, but i think having gym music blasting at 6am sharp every morning would make me extremely grumpy.

it's not just a bassline. i can kinda hear the lyrics actually. grrr. should study. so tired.

Itchy Fingers...

2009-09-21T04:49:00.002+08:00

It's strange to say it, but whenever i try and study after not having done so in a while, i just have this compulsion to touch the mouse and FIDDLE. inexplicable but kind of annoying. it's hard to describe... it's a.. tactile thing...

random things about matrix philosophy this weekend. everytime i watch it i see something new. favourite line?

"I have dreamed a dream... but now that dream is gone from me." -Morpheus

that, and lying in bed playing defender chronicles on my phone. stupid tower defense rpg. my greatest weakness, and source of ~~great strength~~ countless hours wasted grinding. well, here's me saying it's time to get back on track!

Endurance is one of the most difficult disciplines, but it is to the one that endures that the final victory comes.

Thought of the day..

2009-09-15T19:22:00.003+08:00

I think it's time i took a break from the internet. not a clean break, but a break nonetheless.

"We're just friends!" Kermit claimed

2009-09-15T02:23:00.002+08:00

Lady gaga you frog butcherer you. back in early july, she did an interview in germany wearing a suit made out of kermits. poor kermit. i always liked him..

via MTV.com

But last night, she was spotted at the 2009 MTV video awards with kermit as her date!

also via MTV.com

One can only imagine how miss piggy feels, but like beyonce says later that night, "Where my ring at!" hahaha...

Beyonce's performance at the 2009 VMAs was truly stunning, as can be said about the MJ tribute. Personally though, i found lady gaga's performance relied too much on getting the message across in a shocking way and didn't display any of her vocal or showmanship abilities. beyonce's smile at the end is just beautiful. ^_^

Beyonce - Single Ladies

Janet Jackson in Michael Jackson tribute video

Madonna's speech was nice, and i won't even have to go into allegedlydrunk kanye west creating a scene because everyone knows already anyway.

I haven't heard the words MTV in sooo long, i realise that we kinda take cable tv on 52 inch plasma tvs for granted back home. if it weren't for clare, i'd be hopelessly outdated as a gen-y-er. (or am i a gen-x-er? who comes up with these things anyway?!?)

SOUR '日々の音色 (Hibi no neiro)'

2009-09-14T23:20:00.001+08:00

collaborative webcamming to make a music video... can't say the song is catchy but imagine all the work behind it!

this is just so cool.

1 hour till my exam...

2009-09-14T06:22:00.002+08:00

So far i've learnt 2 things:

1. Shaking your head to the Ting Tings - That's Not My Name is fun.

2. It really wakes you up.

3. It kinda makes you too dizzy to do last minute cramming...

My Apartment..

2009-09-14T02:34:00.004+08:00

Okay this is just a bunch of random stuff i wonder about my apartment... i mean it's not like i come from the most normal of neighbourhoods (thanks to people ~~like me~~ that shall remain unnamed who move a bunch of dustbins to block the road and then go hide in the drain amid drunken giggling at 3am) but there are just some things that i'm still not used to...

1. Why are the walls so thin?? i can hear (like, literally, clunking sounds) of people who are plugging something into the wall in the next apartment. and if the guy in the next room kicks the wall in his sleep i get a shock (especially if it's 2 in the morning and i'm still not asleep..). sometimes i wonder if i'm angry enough, if i'd be able to punch through the walls hulk style. (or like that levi's commercial a while back where they run through a series of walls.)

WHY YOU KICK WALL!! HULK SMASHHHHH!!!

2. With the window open, i can hear people vacuuming their apartment at 1 in the morning. why do you vacuum your apartment at 1am? it's not an i-dropped-some-crumbs-and-i'm-anal vacuuming. this is a let-me-vacuum-my-whole-room-at-1am thing.

3. Not exactly my apartment, but there are people downstairs (well, it's a bar there after all, so i'd expect some dodgy folks) sitting on the roadside bench drinking beer in swimming trunks at midnight. not an old homeless man (eww imagine unwashed flab) i'm talking about a young guy.. the beach is 2km away. (what am i talking about.. it's midnight. pfft.)

4. For an apartment that's quite big, the ventilation is surprisingly bad.. not only have i set off the fire alarm once (apparently you don't deep fry with sunflower oil...) but smells linger... by coming out of my room, i can tell:

a) when indian housemate goes to the toilet

b) when landlord is going clubbing

c) exactly who cooked within the last 3 hours (we all have different palates)

d) sometimes i can even tell what they cooked

(microwave instant pizza smell makes me retch a bit now)

e) when the person n apartments away is frying chicken

(they must be damn fat, frying chicken at 2am to eat..)

thoughts and fewlings..

2009-09-13T01:10:00.003+08:00

omg it's 3 30 am... and i'm still not asleep. phone is... still syncing. it all started with trying to put "i want ya" as my ringtone". uploaded, and my ringtones corrupted. and it only corrupts the 2 ringtones i wanna use. so i reload my ringtones. no use. so i sync my ringtones. and end up wiping my phone music. it's 1am. nehmind. i reload my music onto itunes to sync onto my phone, AND THE BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH APPEARS. and then it restarts and lags for a good half hour... and then it syncs for another half fucking hour. geeks aren't night people. computers just like to screw up at bedtime. it's still a hypothesis at this point, but it's fast on it's way to becoming a theory, given the number of times it has happened. SYNC FASTER!

i'm uptight about my bedtime. got a test on monday so i wanna be sleeping at normal hours so i can study/be awake at the right times. and no rubbish like wake up in the evening and sleep after the test either. i have tests on monday, tuesday and wednesday. and wednesday is a long day. time to get my life in order, my body in shape and my sleeping schedule on track. i don't care. i'm waking up at 7am whether my body likes it or not and running to the beach. THEN i'm gonna go for service at st mary's. (and i quote "if not God will be angry." right.)

anyway i know i haven't been blogging in a while... lets see now... my hair is.. blue.

and i went to the beach

and steffi almost died.

i had a holiday and tried to study.

i didn't study much.

i watched some 24..

i learnt how to watch cricket ("crikey what a sport.." okaynvm)

and i'm starting to panic at how little work i'm getting done. well, baby steps first i say. but baby steps have to start NOW.

alright sync over. time for bed. peace out.

it's not that i'm sick of chivalry...

2009-08-10T09:24:00.003+08:00

it's just that chivalry... can be the cause of sickness. especially when you lend someone your coat for half the night.

ndp '09 was awesome though. even if people started leaving halfway because the interpretive dance segments were... (what's a nice word for 'retarded'?) but it was nice. maybe i appreciate it more because i'm away from home, but it's kinda strange when you think of the people on the other side of the screen.. they're hot, they're sweaty. and here i am freezing my bollocks off (low of 9 degrees this week). my red hair did get a few ndp cheers though haha..

ooh. and i did win the ndp gift bag! haha.. the coupons were stupid, the props were cheapo, and my flag was kinda crumpled, but it means more than just a cheap crumpler imitation here. it's something from home, and that's something, isn't it?

the problem with headphones...

2009-08-07T02:28:00.002+08:00

is that i damn near yank my ears off everytime i look up suddenly. especially when the cord is caught on something.

trying to study. there are many other things i have to do as well, but this is what it is. a start. and hopefully this will get me to spend less time on the computer wasting time. at least i can catch up on my music listening while i work. :) so many things to listen to, but i haven't made space for it in my life in such a long time.

i'm spending my time...

2009-08-02T00:44:00.002+08:00

watching the days go by.. well, not really.

felt like i was falling sick and pushing myself too hard to be normal. and the more i pushed, the more i rebelled, and it ended up putting out quite a bit of stress. sometimes i wonder if who we want to be clashes with who we are, how are we to choose? anyways i decided to stay home and detox. going out and hanging out is fun and all, but if i can't do it with an open disposition, then i don't wanna do it at all.

anyway staying home means i ended up reading "beck". that and playing a little fallout 3. but mostly beck. and drinking mum's strange tea. which has helped the cough (thanks mum! ^_^)

i should plan a dish. that always helps settle my head. all this guilt floating round can't be healthy. anyways, more on beck. it's a manga...

"Yukio, known by his friends as "Koyuki", is a regular 14-year-old Japanese boy who enters junior high school with two childhood acquaintances. One is a pervert, and ironically the other is a highly sought after female student. Koyuki's boring life is changed when he saves an odd-looking dog, named Beck, from some kids. Beck's owner turns out to be an emerging rock musician, Ryûsuke Minami, who soon influences Koyuki to start playing the guitar, and even gives one to him.

The story focuses on the trials and tribulations of their rock band named BECK, and an important plot that deals with Koyuki's relationship with Ryûsuke's sister, Maho.

Koyuki, who was plagued by his boring existence, gradually matured through experiences with the band and began to discover who he really was." -Wikipedia

it makes me wanna listen to more rock music to find, maybe, a sound that i'd like. it's a bit weird to read a manga on music when you can't hear the music being played.. it attempts to convey the human element, but that gets monotonous when it's not paired with the human element expressed through the music as well, as the creator intended, resulting in something one dimensional that barely keeps me reading sometimes.

okay time for supper, and i SHALL do my assignment tomorrow and play some geeTAR!

feeling sick...

2009-08-01T03:36:00.000+08:00

Family Food

2009-07-29T17:39:00.006+08:00

after a long day of class (and some thesis work... and a few beers in between) frankly i was too tired to cook. besides my stomach was not very happy at the thought of instant noodles. i was just gonna wash up and play the guitar a bit before bed..

i get home (rush hour = had to stand on the bus) and it's bustling in the apartment. dan's whole kampong is here visiting.. nice to come back to anything but a dark apartment. but i wash up and was gonna sleep after dealing with the whole apartment hunting thing (yes that stupid woman wants to move again.) and dan knocks and comes in with a plate of sushi (XD heart~!) that they had apparently made extra of! =)

it's so nice to eat family prepared food. it's got a different taste, honestly. a taste that's not quite there but nevertheless present, that invokes not so much a taste on the tongue than.. a feeling? it says... security, acceptance, serenity..

there was more but i gobbled most of it before remembering to take a photo. yes, it did put a smile on my face as big as that on the plate. i doubt he'll know, because i'm kinda too shy to go outside (and say... what to them? i already said thankyou to dan... i'm not too good with small talk, really.) but it's given me the energy to review my notes from today (omg i've never done that before haha) i really should since nothing went into my brain from the last class..

which puts me in a bit of a quandry. how could i move? this place i've called home the last 1.5 years.. then again i did travel so i wouldn't be stuck in a rut within my comfort zone..

Productivity...

2009-07-26T23:01:00.003+08:00

after spending all saturday night trying to forget i've ever watched bruno and sleeping all day sunday, i've finally started being productive! it's easier to work hard if you've played hard, but the thing is, it's so hard to do it during normal hours!

i've... woken up

showered

changed the printer ink

printed my timetable

printed course notes

organised my school work into folders

packed my table and taken out the required reading

filed last semester's work

emailed people about bacteria, samples and lab induction for bacteria

cooked chicken

ate a bag of potato chips

okay the last one doesn't count but it's doing the things that i've been putting off that i'm most proud of.

it is said procrastination stems from a fear of failure. if you put it off till the last minute, then you can't be blamed if you don't do it perfectly, because you had so little time and you did it the best you could in the available time.

i think that's true. daring to make mistakes isn't just about blindly going in headstrong. it's about being able to take the consequences of your actions and not let it affect you in your future actions. still working on that one. mostly because singapore is still in my heart. it's hard to describe. it's easier to not keep your head down back home.

still thinking about Sun Tzu. knowing yourself is a long journey, and it isn't easy.

let the wind blow high...

2009-07-25T22:40:00.001+08:00

let the wind blow low..

through the streets in my kilt i'll go..

all the lassies say hello..

donald where's your trousers?

i had the idea...

2009-07-25T13:57:00.001+08:00

to search for a violin with distortion effect...

and i found this. beautiful!

dear god...

2009-07-24T22:48:00.002+08:00

how come my index finger so skinny. i can't play the note i want on the guitar. :(

Sun Tzu Dao...

2009-07-24T22:09:00.001+08:00

故曰：知彼知己，百戰不殆；不知彼而知己，一勝一負；不知彼，不知己，每戰必殆。(故曰：知彼知己，百战不殆；不知彼而知己，一胜一负；不知彼，不知己，每战必殆。)

So it is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you can win a thousand battles without a single loss.
If you only know yourself, but not your opponent, you may win or may lose.
If you know neither yourself nor your enemy, you will always endanger yourself.

just some words to meditate upon today.

i'm not the most decisive person...

2009-07-24T17:09:00.003+08:00

...at the best of times, but now that i have 2 guitars, deciding which one to play is becoming a problem. stupid cancerian traits.

what i should do is decide what to cook and eat. which kinda explains why i'm blogging. problem, solution. doesn't make me any less hungry though..

*shuffles off*

broken dreams..

2009-07-23T11:53:00.002+08:00

i woke up 3 times today. once was at a respectable 8am. then it just got worse. the last one was half an hour after class started. a little too shy to just pop into class an hour late with my flaming red hair. :( it's prof ferry too. scary.

i don't know why but i've been having some really scary nightmares.

in one there was lalaine, dogs, her dad and some other friends and cigars.. (okay not really a nightmare but her dad does sound quite scary.)

in another one there was the ummm chinese ghost with faces onthe front and the back and and one is black and one is white and i dunno what it's called but it was laughing a high pitched laugh along with a paper cutout of a shorter ghost. which kinda was alive..

and in the scariest one i was in an old hospital (i hate old building dreams!) and there was this pool with 2 madmen killers beside it. who killed people in a needle-to-the-neck style like dexter. except that they didn't really have to because i seem to remember them being able to rip the spine out of your body or something. anyway they killed everyone and a few of us were left in the monitoring room, and at the end of the dream the madmen had got bored and were peering in through the blinds.

2 rather long and elaborate nightmares in one night. and one dream about dogs :) and one VERY weird dream that i don't wanna remember or talk about. perhaps i need a dreamcatcher. or perhaps i have a twisted psyche. either way i gotta get over the whole i've-had-a-bad-dream-and-i-don't-wanna-wake-up-till-i've-had-a-better-one thing, or i'll never make it to class as often and as on time as i want to.

Mister Fly

2009-07-21T14:26:00.002+08:00

this is what it kinda feels like in my head right now. at least how i want it to be. in reality it's more like... uhh... the default song... the one we always used to sing. every single chance..

but ANYWAY.. there was this fly, right? pretty sure i saw it when i first came into the house.. it was on my coat or something.. it was this tiny little thing that flew behind my table. and now 2 more trips out of the house later, this medium sized fly comes flying upwards from my coat.. so either...

a) the first fly left the house with me and i brought a new one back in...

b) the behind of my table has some SUPER FLY FERTILIZER that works like spinach + popeye

c) the second fly ATE THE FIRST FLY omgOMGOMG CANNIBALFLYYY!!! (runaway...)

d) my coat is some kind of fly magnet that works better than flypaper because it looks so awesome

seriously it's like midwinter now why are there even flies in the first place??

Awkwarddddd

2009-07-21T11:59:00.002+08:00

i can't believe i popped into my professor's office to have a chat and started with "hi, do you need anything?" like some kind of waiter. he looked at me and smiled before going "actually the question is do YOU need anything?"

after the ROFLcopter took off from the landing pad that is the top of my head...

we went to get some dusty old UV equipment. ("point it at the wall and check for reflected light. don't look at it directly.")

i wonder if i can get a tan from this... probably not. pretty sure the wavelength is too low (i'm working with 340-380nm i think. i'm so rusty!)

Rick Astley in Nirvana? lol

2009-07-20T15:04:00.000+08:00

it was a messy mess...

2009-07-20T13:20:00.002+08:00

a whirlwind of music, beer, groggy 6am awakenings and being bundled into the car for a flight. then having to repack and requeue because i'm overweight (again). i hate checking in. it must be how biggest loser contestants feel before weigh ins. except they can't just whip out a 7kg laptop bag and duck under the weight limit.

8 hour flight next to a fat guy (really polite with a funny beard hur hur) and sitting behind a dad and 2 sons who were all a little too gay for my delicate sensibilities (they were lying on one another in really weird ways) and reclined their seats all the way back the moment we were in the air (poor fat guy...) pretty girl sitting across the aisle from me and the stewardess was no slouch either. :)

strange cantonese cabbie talking about his childhood piano lessons (he's a graduate in china actually..) and spiderman 3 with raj... think beer, very bad scenes because it's pirated, and synthetic tasting popcorn (the kind that reacts with my biochemistry to leave some sticky substance on the roof of my mouth)... towards the end it got a little awkward lol.

i have a new pet peeve. it's when people try and socialise in a bar with loud music. i hate having to do it, and i hate when people do it while i'm trying to enjoy the music. same thing with planes. if i can't hear you, i don't wanna talk.

and i think i'm falling sick because i woke up in the AFTERNOON (feel guilty for missing class 4133- Deformation&Strengthening Mech) so yes it's time to get serious! i have to write out a plan! i have a plan to plan!

you know what?

2009-07-17T15:45:00.000+08:00

it's still complicated.

birthday thought..

2009-07-17T08:07:00.002+08:00

what does it mean to be a man and not a boy?

i had a strange dream...

2009-07-16T21:54:00.003+08:00

i had a flying carpet and didn't have to sit through hours of in flight movies (apparently it flies a bit for show and then teleports you) but i was testing it (it had a damn zhng'd exhaust for some reason.. i dunno why a carpet would have any exhaust..) and told it to go to the north pole (cause i wanted to see some polar bears or something..) and i got off the carpet at the north pole and went to a zoo there... to see penguins and stuff.. it was pretty bizzare. i was thinking where else to go next when the alarm rang..

running on 2 hours sleep after mambo last night.. and i had to play almost 18 holes of golf with dad just now.. i'm too old for this shit. it was so hard to keep my composure for golf. you have to be completely calm, relaxed and embracing the japanese concept of "no mind". played several excellent holes (no birdies, but come on i haven't played in bloodyages!) and a few horrendously BADBADBAD holes. the rest were.. meh. gonna go collapse now.

wishlists...

2009-07-16T13:12:00.003+08:00

my mum asked me if i had a wishlist up. i don't.

i've always kinda had my eye on the constantine zippo, but it's a limited release for the opening of the movie in japan (only 300 were ever produced worldwide) and so prices are in the region of US$1500. i might as well get a DSLR with that! (which i also have been eyeing... at about $1300 it's a earn-your-own-money-then-buy toy.) if i were actually staying in singapore permanently, an ellsworth frame (dare i hope for the titanium TiRuth? the Dare would suit me better though..), Shimano disc brakes and derailleurs (wow i only just heard of 27 speed lol!), Fox Shocks... at $2700 (i'm assuming USD), it's not likely i'll get one anytime soon. although if i get one part a year i'll probably get to ride the whole thing before i'm 30..

so there. don't really want/would use any much else..

p.s. hmmm i wonder if ibanez does any electric guitars with a headphone/usb jack. that would be nice and convenient.. :) save me from having to buy an amp!

Listen...

2009-07-16T12:59:00.002+08:00

if there's one thing i've learnt the past year, i think it has been to listen. i don't apply it enough, and most times it's more a "don't talk if you've got nothing nice to say" thing, but it's an improvement. maybe next year i'll learn to remember more of what i've heard! =D

*Ding! Ara!* there. my pre 24th birthday reflectiony blog post done. quest complete.

"Listen, I am alone at a crossroads

I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried to say what's on mind
You should have known

Oh, now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what you made of me
I followed the voice you gave to me
But now I've gotta find my own"

-Beyonce Knowles

truth is..

2009-07-16T05:47:00.001+08:00

even if someone doesn't love you like you want them to..

it doesn't mean that they don't love you.

late night drives...

2009-07-14T00:00:00.002+08:00

a little stressful when i don't know the way and the gps is giving me weird directions ("keep right, and enter the freeway..." which is in the wrong direction...) but i have come to enjoy the quiet drives with class 95 not too soft and not too loud. the car eats up the road and i focus not just on what is ahead, but widen my field of vision and see the lights going by (singapore is lighted up very nicely at night) and the cars around me, going to destinations unknown.. people going back home, people going to see friends, people lost like i sometimes am.. and i just relax, the special kind of relaxing where you know where you have to do, where you have to go (for the next half hour at least) and with that uncertainty gone, life is simple.

i started this post with a thought. i have 3 days left as a 23 year old. by no means have i lived all that i want to live, but i'm.. content. happy, even. i get the feeling that as you get older, the birthdays seem to segue together and you can't really tell one from another.. but i'm glad i'm home for my birthday this year. the safe feeling of belonging, there's nothing like it.

i'm back in singapore! again!

2009-07-11T22:03:00.011+08:00

38 new emails (gmail condenses conversations). 828 RSS updates. i don't even wanna say how long the twitter list is. (actually i cbf to count. it's oodles long.) i have to deal with enrolment, looking up gym fees to bring my mum there as a guest (the pool has amazing views), looking up interest rates (2.75% now. it was 6.25% 2 years ago. bloody recession) and listening to the new cds i bought from manila.. oh and i'm blogging at the same time. (remember when we used to do one thing at a time? i don't either.)

anyway here's the official blog for my trip (so i don't get so tired telling people that i get too tired to blog)

5th july

we fly off to Hong Kong on a 9 40am flight. after getting home at 3am. at the airport at 7 30. mr grumpyface at the airport. did not like transiting in manila. everyone seemed stonyfaced, transiting through immigration to the departure lounge.. (pitures of giant baos will be forthcoming once i get the camera cable from clare.) checked into hotel and spent an hour oohing and ahhing at the boutiqueness of the place. boutique hotels always makes me feel like i'm in the mind of a lolita fetishist for some reason.

6th july

dad had to go to the bank so we shopped. sis went to H&M. i don't really know what it was so i just wandered off alone.

i must have walked for about an hour and a half. a lot of pretty sights like buildings and stalls (there were 2 stalls selling nothing but feather dusters wtf) and pretty girls and butchers and fruit stalls (it's cherry season!) and more pretty girls. went back to H&M (quite a lot of pretty girls there O_o but i was more interested in the city mag on pub foods in HK) and stood around for another hour while sis and mum were STILL shopping. in the end i gave up and went to the mens section... which felt rather generic and too colourful for my taste.. for half an hour and OMG THEY WERE STILL SHOPPING AT THE SAME H&M WTFBBQ O_O". in the end we finally met dad at a train station before going for some dfo shopping (which was enjoyable because we weren't in the same store for 3 hours.)

met dad's friend diana. she's kinda down to earth and a little dodgy. i don't really know what to say to older people. come to think of it i don't really know what to say to people who are my age. they say as you grow older it gets harder and harder to make friends.

met olive for beer at pj murphys' with sis later that night. HK is really good for irish beer! guiness and tetleys and more on tap. too bad the women only drank water. and HK still has boddingtons in cans! (didn't go to enough bars to find one with it on tap though i'm sure they have it. you can't find it in OZ! it's the best ale on earth. sweet, earthy, malty but not too sweet so you can still taste the flavour of the beer)

7th july

spent most of the day in headphones listening to music and walking around since i was getting really tetchy with the parents. everytime i buy something dad frowns like i just pissed on the dog. and i guess i'm used to being alone and doing my own things. sometimes it just gets annoying when you're following someone who's blur enough to almost get run over 3 times in the space of 5 minutes crossing 2 roads.

dinner with the cousin (she's married with a kid, who loves my iphone. i'm just really paranoid to lend it to him especially when the table is covered in food since i killed my first one.) teochew porridge in HK. kinda strange. i don't know what's in half the dishes and the other half tastes... weird (teochew food seems to be all about cold crab, sour veggies and unidentified meat, and fish that has been fried for at least half an hour by the looks of it. oh and don't forget the drowned rice they call porridge.) i don't think i'd ever cook teochew food, but it was nice to have it after such a long time. it was a gastronomical holiday, at the very least, and i must say i enjoyed it a lot even while trying to avoid looking at the kid too much (he was kinda acting up and i didn't really wanna take out my iphone with all the food on the table.) after that was tong soei dessert! (she gave me chicken powder too.. this wonderful msg concoction you can only find in hong kong that turns chicken into this heavenly steamed dish)

after that, onwards to drinks with amata, my friend from college. haha i think she's been home too long. she started speaking in rapid fire canto when we met and my brain really hadn't had time to adjust yet hahaha.. but after a quick stop at 7 11, we hit a nice bar with a biggg fan ;) and had a really nice long chat about everything from movies (up is definitely the movie to watch. and so is transformers 2 for the slo-mo boobage) to art and other stuff. i had a beer called blue girl (saw some ah pek in an alley drinking it earlier) and she had a blue elephant. was pretty unimpressive (curacao makes me queasy) till the waiter asked it she wanted to "wan for"..

the result was, to say the least, impressive. (the fact that she finished the blue drink was more impressive to me actually. was still a little sick from snow white + seven dwarves)

8th july

a quick breakfast and we're off to the airport for an 11am flight to manila. landed, checked in, argued with dad about going to see some stupid waterfall (he'd seen it before, just not with me.) and went to SM mall of asia for dinner. it's called shoe mart. i don't know why. i was past caring at that point.

my first impression of manila is that it is utter. bloody. chaos. cars don't follow lines on the roads, you get traffic congestion as long as the sun is up, it's hot, smoky, dirty, and absolutely wonderful. it's just a feeling you get radiating from everyone. bahala na. no worries! after a while you give up trying to understand it and just go with the whole crazy culture that is catholicism, colonial spanish, american and a little villagey feel that is all mashed up in a smoky car accident. they name their taxis, and every one of them has the operator name as well painted on the doors, and "how's my driving? pls call xxx-xxxx" painted on the boot. although after the first hour witnessing the chaos you kinda get the feeling that calling that number is just a black hole for you to vent at.

we watched transformers 2 (second time for me) because sis wanted to watch and i was craving for some no-talky time spending, so dad bought tickets. to IMAX. amata was telling me about megan fox's boobs bouncing in slo mo in the movie, and tbh the first time watching i didn't really notice it. i was watching the awesome CGI fighting and explosions but the second time round i knew to look out for them, and OMFG watching them bounce on the HUGE IMAX SCREEN in SLOW MO was totally worth sitting through the weird story all over again. i wonder if anyone saw me grinning through the entire scene.

after that was some light shopping at the local craft store (halfway through we seemed to tip the tourist treshold in the store, whereby loud, vaguely spanish music with tagalog singing came up and all the people manning the store paired up and started dancing. and clapping. and it wasn't some lame dance. it was with skirt hitching and hoppy steps circling round each other... they made it look GOOD.)

9th july

met up with olive's friend lenny (a woman) and her sons froiland and nickyboy (please don't ask me to explain. you just smile and nod and love it.) and proceeded to spend the next hour or so stuck in a traffic jam striking up vague conversation (it felt like mum was using her maid voice. that she uses to talk to maids. *roll eyes*) with air conditioned drive by tour of quiapo church, quiapo bridge, we went to diasporia (it's a kind of shopping district) (they seemed to not want to take me walking on the streets for some reason. while i really wanted to see the street life..) and into a shopping centre (in philippines they seem to have a national industry that specialises in building malls.) that was crowded with so many stalls you barely have space to squeeze between them. "hai sir, u want dee-bee-dee?" and "hai mam~(8)"

after that was lunch!

and then we headed to green hills mall or something and shopped around (mini cinnabuns and philippines iced coffee mmm)

after dinner...

we went bar hopping at timog street or something, driving past bar girls dressed in loli outfits, schoolgirl outfits, race queen ish outfits... the first bar was called bedrock. the waiters all had skin-printy outfits and the music was quite unintelligible (old school rock) until the new band came up and started singing some modern pop, but the best thing about the new band was the singer's big boombas. (photos will be had when clare's camera cable is borrowed because froiland told the waiter i wanted to take a photo with the singer with the huge boombas.) (srsly they were huge.)

we adjourned to the second bar (padi bar) where there was much drinking (HUUUUGE margarita) and dancing with girls we've never met before (nickyboi is a friendly seaman.) and dancing with one gay we hope never to meet again (think skinny, very energetic, and very raunchy dancing dude). nicky won the drinking contest (never have a drinking contest with a sailor. srsly.) and my sister... well... she embarrassed singapore for the dancing-while-you-drink contest. (it didn't help even when i went on stage to dance with her a bit..)

somebody needs dancing lessons.

10th july

incredibly sleepy (we got back at about 3 ish), we set of for tagaytay at about 10am, walked in some jungle crap (i hate walking in the jungle after the many army guard duties.) rode on a zip line (kinda fun, but mostly to avoid walking in the jungle all the way back) and adjourned to a nice place for lunch (i think it started with an s) with a good view of the taal lake and volcano. if it weren't for the clouds in the way...

i mean, just look at the amount of wildlife you can see, if you just let your imagination guide you! no but srsly it's a volcano in a lake in a volcano in a lake or something like that. it's all very interesting if i weren't so sleep deprived.

went somewhere with a better view (some resort place)..

and bought some buko pie (a local delicacy, it's basically coconut pie with all of the creamy goodness but less of the sweetness to give it a slightly savoury taste that just works. the pastry was excellent though. collette's does it best!)

got back, slept 16 hours till 8am the next day.

11th july

breakfast, wandered round SM mall of asia again (yay for awesome cycling gloves), looked at guitars i couldn't afford before flight home.

oh and interestingly you know how in primary school, they keep telling you that when you see a snatch and run, even if you don't chase, you should always remember the vehicle number? well on the taxi back to the hotel (the driver was kinda grumpy that we told him to turn on the meter) i saw 2 guys on a scooter drive by a woman, and the guy behind tried to snatch her bag! i can't believe the thoughts going through my head at the time were "omg that guy is wearing a pink shirt and robbing people isn't he embarrassed to have no fashion sense?" and "wow that woman's shocked look with her mouth open... who does that? what a drama mama" but luckily they didn't succeed, and ended up riding off, the woman rattled but otherwise fine. i don't know how i should feel about that hahahahahaha

i think that's the last time i take philippine airlines.. i didn't bring a book and even though it was a 3 hour flight i was bored out of my SKULL. 5 minutes into the flight the sound in my seat cut out. and then to my horror i realised it was a ZAC EFFRON MOVIE ON THE OVERHEAD SCREEN. my eyes had to watch it (there was NOTHING else to look at) and after the movie ended they played the same travel show TWICE with the same ugly blonde lady telling us about hawaii shark cage diving. i couldn't sleep after sleeping 16 hours the night before. i was so restless i cycled for an hour and a half the moment i got home lol.

anyway here i am now (does that count as blogging every day?) i've checked my mail. i've (kinda) done my enrolment and banking. i've been updated on RSS and twitter. it's 3 am. (omg i've been blogging for 4 hours) off to bed!~

my body clock...

2009-07-04T14:22:00.002+08:00

is so weird. i've been waking up at 6 30 am for the past 2 mornings, and there i am thinking "it'd be awesome to have some local breakfast now" and "no i'm too hungover to drive" and "i'm pretty sure i've only had 3 hours of sleep. i need more sleep."

sometimes...

2009-07-03T03:23:00.002+08:00

humanity makes me lose faith in it. why do i even bother caring? why should i even care? if i care, i get hurt, and if i don't, i save myself from pain. i don't think i'm angry. i'm disappointed. in myself. i should have the guts to walk away, but i stay, not for you, but for the people we know. if the reason for staying is not true, then maybe the caring shouldn't be either.

on pooches...

2009-07-03T01:09:00.002+08:00

i've only been back a week. effectively, i've had a dog for a week. his name is lupin, but i like calling him pooches. he's a mongrel and he's young enough to jump around and lick everything in sight. life is a curious butterfly, and he wants to catch it and lick it till his tongue turns purple.

i haven't blogged in ages (exams, then i was back, trying to arrange a schedule where i'd get to meet everyone in the 3 weeks i'm back..) but aside from all the going out and meeting old friends again, the new ones in my life make me happy too. pooches is my new friend. he's everybody's friend haha.. he's playful and ticklish behind the ears and likes to put my hand in his mouth and just leave it there till he gets distracted by something else (don't ask me why.) and the best thing, the very best thing about coming home again is that no matter the kind of day i'm having, he's always glad to see me home, to see me alive, to see me.

i could be having a happy day, and the moment i'm home there's a scrabbling at the window, and when i pop my head out he's there wagging his tail, wanting to know about it.

i could be having a bad day, feeling tired and too busy all day long, not wanting to talk, feeling less of a human being with low self worth, and he's there too, to lick my hand and let me tickle him (he shakes it off) and then comes back for more tickles. he wags his tail and i'm reminded that no matter what the world may think, he thinks i'm the greatest thing since canned dog food, and he's not just saying it. he's showing it. he can't lie! :)

i don't think i could ever live without a dog in my life. born and bred, since i was little, i've always had dogs. small dogs, big dogs, puppies, smelly old codgers, i've had many dogs. but each one is special in his own way. i even had a song for my first dog. i've got a scar from my second dog because of my third dog... and pooches, i get itchy, red arms everytime i play with him, but it never stops me from grabbing his face in my hand when i get home and petting the s*** out of him. (i make him shake his head to a wooga wooga wooga sound)

he's still young and has a lot to learn though. he thinks everyhing means "sit" when i have a treat, because that's all he learnt. roll over = sit. come here = sit. go there = sit. stop biting my hand it's not my chewtoy = sit. stop humping my leg = keep humping my leg. i think i'm gonna teach him how to roll over when i have time.

my point is, i love my dog! and he slobberloves me. =)

bagger 288

2009-06-22T08:11:00.000+08:00

lol mining made cool. and the song is hilarious!

Why old dogs are the best dogs

2009-06-17T16:17:00.002+08:00

They can be eccentric, slow of foot and even grouchy. But dogs love out their final days, says The Washington Post's Gene Weingarten, with a humility and grace we could all learn from.

read it here..

It's Cream Base Week!

2009-06-15T20:44:00.004+08:00

well, mostly because i bought a large bottle of the stuff and had to use it before it goes bad..

first try was a curly pasta bake with cheddar. simple. easy..

or so you'd think. looks good certainly, but cheddar isn't good for melting, not in cold weather anyway. the top hardened and the pasta got too milkyflavoured. meh. ate half and threw the rest away.

round two was tonight. since i had some nice fillet from the other night, i decided to make baked fish buttered rice on a bed of italian herbs with fresh lemon dressing. going by the logic that if it's not unhealthy it won't taste good, there was like 3 and a half butter cubes in there. the small kind. lol. turned out awesome although tabasco sauce is best used as a post cooking condiment because it's affects the acidity of the food. it was pretty good though. wasn't too excited by it because fish baked rice isn't normally my thing but it turned out very nice. the fish wasn't too dry and the cheese was nicely flavoured by the herbs. :)

oh and on friday i got lost. like.. seriously lost. because i took the wrong bus. to a little red bus stop at the beach. which was good because it was just in time for sunset. wasn't very enthused because i was carrying a lot of shopping that day that wasn't really heavy, just bulky and awkward. anyway since i didn't really have much planned for that day besides fix my phone and do some shopping i decided oh what the hell it's sunset at the beach. not actually a beach per se.. more like cliffs dropping down into pounding surf. but still quite nice. it's always good to wander around for a bit whenever life takes you somewhere unexpected. you might see something good.

and since my iphone was still more or less out of commission at the time and i had my n95.. i started taking non-iphone-quality pictures. hur hur. 2megapixels is crap tbh.

clovelly bay on one side and sunset on the other side. and yes "omg i can hear the waves." hahaha..

it's pretty dangerous..

the drop wouldn't kill you (it's like 20 metres or something) but the waves will.. stupid geography. everytime i see it the word "weathering" pops up in my head and refuses to go away.

looks like the listerine commercial hur hur.. i think. haven't watched tv in ages.

and here's a little window in the little bus stop with the red tiled roof. :)

back to my thesis~

Happiness

2009-06-15T02:58:00.001+08:00

if you've spent all your life doing things that will make other people happy..

how do you know/remember what makes yourself happy?

Time for some changes

2009-06-15T02:19:00.003+08:00

no pictures of what happened a few days ago yet, but i assure you they will be up in 5 megapixel glory as soon as i manage to summon the willpower to reach behind and get the mini usb cable from the shelf. i mean, i've already redone the layout of my blog right? it was time for something new, fresh and clean. oh and i've got twitter now. don't really see the point of blogging 140 characters at a time from my phone when i can just blog with my phone app or emailblog with my phone. so many ways to talk to the world. anything to keep from having to actually do any work =p 27 pages so far for my thesis. and i'm not even halfway done reviewing it yet. really have to step up the schedule if i'm gonna leave enough time to make a presentation AND study for chemistry without reducing myself to a wreck.

"what goes ha ha plop?"

"someone laughing their head off."

-Fiona

Roast Chicken Piri Piri with Butter Lettuce Salad

2009-06-09T17:49:00.003+08:00

had ~~some~~ a lot of leftover lettuce from yesterday's burgers so i decided that in line with the whole going to the gym thing i should make something healthy. :)

i wonder on the wisdom of gluing postit notes to my laptop since they kept falling off. i guess time will tell.

p.s. raspberry jam gives a seedy crunch to salads! and i could finally finish the jam leftover from the dinner with the purple lamb shanks.

吴宗宪 - 你比从前快乐

2009-06-09T17:47:00.000+08:00

hmmm.. didn't realise he could sing as well. brainitch.

Life in the time of

2009-06-09T09:45:00.004+08:00

still not used to clicking on the google chrome icon as a browser interface. i have to admit though that it is faster, though less fun (i don't get to customise my themes and newtab options). even though i'm net capped i'll try and post some photos, just for the sake of it. the weather is cold and depressing and sunset is at 4 30 pm. yuck. but sometimes i get inspired to cook. like my burgers. cost me $20 to make 4 burgers, mainly due to raging diseconomies of scale. (why can't i buy like just 4 pickles?? what do i do with the rest of the jar now?!) although a thought does come to mind regarding a use for my catapult now. XD i wonder if there's a battlecry for flying pickles. wrapped in cheese and lettuce. that actually sounds rather appetising in a h'or-deourve-composition-doesn't-have-to-make-sense way.

you gotta have ketchup. even if it's just to draw funny shapes.

likewise for pickles. the mustard was nice texture wise but i'm more a makes-your-brains-run-out-your-nose kinda mustard guy.

viola. burgers and wine. the dolce is nice. a little dry like all reds are but sweet as well.

oh and i made honey baked chicken wings the other day. this is the not-too-dried-out batch.

the good news is that i've got exams only in 3 weeks time. the bad news is that i have a thesis presentation in 2 weeks. i don't like giving presentations, and my lit review... i'm still not entirely happy with the thing. i'll give myself till the end of the week to fix it and then i'm gonna start studying chemistry. stupid lit review presentation. "it's harshing my mellow."

i told myself i would go to the gym today but somehow i've just been blogging the last 2 hours instead. doing all my online chores (pay phone bill, transfer some cash around..) but yeah i should go to the gym now even if i don't want to and haven't gone in ages. i hate working out when there's no point to it all. in singapore half the fun of cycling involves the landscape going by really fast and almost getting run over by cars. the other half is the obstacle course that all the stupid landscaping projects present and exploring alternate routes to get where i wanna go.

okay i'm just gonna do it. and if i die, let it be recorded that it was due to bloody mindedness and may future geneticists find that gene and have it killed for the amount of pain i'm going to be in post gym.

Losing my drive

2009-05-31T08:16:00.002+08:00

i don't think it's the fact that i work well under pressure, but that i work at all under pressure. spent the last two days sleeping most of the time and reading.. feeling quite aimless after the big rush of last week to get work and shopping done. tried to jump start things by marinating more chicken and making ox tail soup, but there's only so long that i can spend cooking.

i need a plan.

Random Lunches..

2009-05-27T06:37:00.002+08:00

random thoughts fill my head from time to time.. it distracts me from my focus.. which i know should be my essay. but i just thought of that nice place in tanglin mall where i had lunch with mum one quiet weekday afternoon. it was nice. :)

oh and that thing i wanted to blog about... it was about that toblerone that was on my table that i've been using as a paperweight for the longest time... it's got easter eggs on it. the thing is.. i didn't buy it this easter. if this were singapore my whole table would be covered in ants by now. (i've thrown it away already. although come to think of it there are worse things to use as a paperweight then a hunk of chocolate.)

okay back to essay. skipping class today. i'm determined to finish this essay BY TODAY and have thursday off. i need to get out of the house more. with the blinds drawn i might as well be back home for all the difference being here makes.

Threshold

2009-05-25T12:10:00.001+08:00

i think my threshold for not talking is 60 hours. after that i start getting the urge to talk to random strangers.

Doctors are Useless

2009-05-25T11:41:00.004+08:00

presentation was brutal. especially since mine was radically different from that of everyone else. it's not easy to be different. accepting that you're different and standing up for it, that's harder. but it went pretty well. prof said one slide "killed him". i can't decide if it's a good or bad thing since it was put there as a joke kinda.. it was a full page picture of an ion. that's OH in size 250 font. hahaha.. well at least it made people laugh. and i hid my nervousness pretty well apparently. no ums oh ahs and nobody saw the shakyhands.

was supposed to blog about something but i can't for the life of me remember what. in a christian bautista mood but i think i'm more ne-yo right now. . that's like hanging out at the mamak when you feel like eating pork.

MARK WHAT DO YOU MEAN YAY NO WOW. i've been too busy to play! i still haven't decided whether it's a good thing. i'll get back to you.

in case anyone's wondering i'm still coughing from time to time. i think i'm just too heaty. but a bit reluctant to drink chrysanthemum tea till i lau sai. going to the doctor was completely useless. folding the $$ into paper planes would have been better. and more interesting.
i presented with a flu and cough and sore throat with green phlegm.
doctor prescribed amoxyllin and asthma prevention puffer.
1. it's viral. why give me goddamn antibiotics!
2. my throat hurts like it had nuts and got kicked in the nuts. give me something nice and prescriptiony la!
3. "oh that tickling in your chest, that's due to asthma." she seemed more interested in knowing since when i've had asthma (6 years old) than in my explanation that it's exercise induced and i haven't had it in a long time. as if i don't know what asthma feels like.
4. THAT BITCH SET ME BACK $150 including medicine from pharmacy. insurance gave me back $67.
I CAN GO YUM CHA TWICE WITH $83 AND STILL HAVE $$ LEFT TO TAKE TAXI HOME

i wonder if someone goes in there with a broken leg and she goes "oh that bone sticking out, that's a symptom of tennis elbow. stop playing tennis and you'll be fine."
and mum wonders why i don't see the doctor when i'm sick.

p.s. going into the toilet at 4am right after ahneh takes a shit is ridiculous. i don't think he has showered in a week. i've been in the toilet to pee when he puts his shower stuff there and goes to smoke first. the "clean" clothes smell fucking bad. what's the point of showering then??! thank god his room is on the other side of the apartment. i'm moving in with stefan and his kampong in august, god willing.

Feeling Productive!

2009-05-25T05:58:00.002+08:00

since i spent most of saturday/sunday sleeping/watching movies/doing laundry/sleeping somemore/reorganising my 3 hard disks(cleared about 180gb of stuff omfg)/coughing/coughing somemore and i got stuff due on monday.. in just a few hours a wrote up an invention and did a short presentation. quite happy now... mostly since i found my old levis. i'd forgotten how comfortable they were. the cargo pouches i usually wear were starting to annoy me tbh since i've been sleeping whenever i felt like it (read: at odd hours without changing).

but anyway the levis are nice. can't wait to get my presentation done with. it's chicken wings after class, while reading up on chinese cinema for my essay! "~siew gai yek... ngoh zong yee sek...~" -stephen chow.

in case you ppl are wondering why i'm blogging so much, it's partly because i haven't touched wow in ages (no time!) and i've decided to be more accountable to myself for my time. so there.

Packing up..

2009-05-24T05:42:00.004+08:00

having finished my literature review (not really. i still have to work on it, but that's more for myself than marks. any more marks would be a bonus though.) and having a bit of time, i decided to pack my room. it's been a while since i've organised my piles (since last year) and since i caused a few landslides in my search through my books, i decided to pack my desk a bit..

and do some reorganising (i chipped a bit of paint from my sennheisers cause i kept banging it with my chair)

for better ergonomics and convenience (i used 2 usb hubs to link all my devices to my laptop. )

i think i woke up at like 6pm yesterday... after sleeping at 2am.. (i'm sick!)
but packing my room really helped to clear my mind. and before i knew it, it was morning..

(in case you can't tell, i found my camera. lol. and decided to take more photos.)

last night's dinner. lol. Spaghetti Pesto with Smoked Herring.

in my packing i discovered many things... love notes.. some letters... photos... that in all honesty i have no idea how to deal with. just looking at them makes me think of happier times, that i'm just not prepared to deal with right now. i was watching a movie last night and realised... well, "just because you're not a jerk doesn't make me any less pathetic." i'm just gonna do my own thing now. maybe it'll be better in time. maybe i should have realised this 3 weeks ago. a million maybes, but only one reality. even old ticket stubs make me think of the time we shared. i thank god for my crappy memory that makes me forget things easily, but some things take longer to forget, or forget enough that dealing with it isn't gonna make me feel like i'm drifting in an endless sea with no idea what to do. actually being in the sea would be better because there there'd be nothing that i actually COULD do but sit back and enjoy the sun.

but having packed everything that reminds me of you into the corner of the roon, i think "what now?" but only time can answer that question.

can't wait for my essays to be done. i want to pick up some cookbooks so that i can make food i can't eat! (my throat still feels broken. blegh. less coughy though. just need to hork up more green phlegm and i'll be carrots and apples.)

having packed my desk, i still have to pack my desktop. it's a giant mess of folders and messiness. i'm not gonna keep things like old seasons of house or buffy and the such anymore since i'm probably not gonna watch them again. probably gonna take me as long as it took to pack my desk. maybe even longer. got 3 hard disks to organise! XD

"Dad, that's my flesh dissolving right there.."

2009-05-24T05:19:00.003+08:00

it's been a while since i've wanted to post something on this subject.

when i was young, my dad used to use hydrogen peroxide as a disinfectant for wounds.
According to Wiki,
"Hydrogen peroxide (H₂O₂) is a very pale blue liquid, slightly more viscous than water, which appears colorless in dilute solution. It is a weak acid, has strong oxidizing properties, and is a powerful bleaching agent. It is used as a disinfectant, antiseptic, oxidizer, and in rocketry as a propellant. The oxidizing capacity of hydrogen peroxide is so strong that it is considered a highly reactive oxygen species.

In organisms, hydrogen peroxide is naturally produced as a byproduct of oxygen metabolism; virtually all possess enzymes known as peroxidases, which harmlessly and catalytically decompose low concentrations of hydrogen peroxide to water and oxygen."

what it fails to mention is that it hurts like jeezleboobs when you use it on a wound. and since i was a really accident prone kid (i once scraped off quite a lot of skin when i decided to sit down while rollerskating. without stopping first.) and when i mean accident prone i mean gets-hole-in-arm-from-dog-bite kind of accident prone, i saw the bottle quite a few times as a kid. of course as i grew older we stopped using it for some reason (maybe i finished the bottle...). sometimes i wonder where it is. especially when my research takes me down the path

"...whereas hydrogen peroxide (H2O2) can penetrate
the cell walls. Superoxide anion and hydrogen peroxide are both highly reactive to biological macromolecules and also act precursors for the hydroxyl radical (·OH)... (on reaction with Fe2+)" -Banerjee et al, 2006.

apparently it goes into cells and srsly fscks them up. hydroxyl radicals are worse. they rip hydrogen from cells causing cell wall disruption. scary i know, but probably didn't happen ~~much~~ with the quantities used. i probably got into less accidents since getting into accidents meant painful disinfection.

Fate Creeps Silently.

2009-05-21T17:42:00.002+08:00

i hope nobody reads the title as "fat people creep up on you silently"

but the thing i want to type about today is my phone. in trying to port my contacts to skype badly, i tried syncing my iphone to the laptop again. except i forgot that i deleted all the contacts i synced over in order to keep them safe (i don't put my cookies in the cookie jar if you know what i mean). i was clicking and wondering why it wasn't syncing. i only realised later that OMPENGUINTESTICLeS that i deleted my entire contact list. and the restore option i hastily clicked reformatted my iphone. i took a deep breath, installed a completely useless undelete program, uninstalled it, and by then my phone could be restored to a backed up copy. i've got my fingers crossed that 4/2/2009 is second of april. 2 months makes a lot of difference. i was totally planning for typing all my contacts in again (i probably lost 1 or 2 contacts if it's a 2 month restore..)

BUT my point is.. maybe it's a good thing. there are some things on that phone that i don't ever want to see again, and maybe i'm better off in the hands of fate. things have a way of working themselves out as long as you don't shortchange yourself before fate does.

oh and just before my uhh... adventure... (which i wasted time on... AHH THESIS!) i discovered skype IS a little more expensive than icall, but the audio quality is there, and it's less frustrating to use, more secure and it still works out cheaper to call with it than a normal phone anyway.

update: i don't know if it's luck or what but i seem to have lost all my apps. maybe one day i'll actually be bothered to reinstall stanza to its former glory (i had like 30 books in there that i wanted to read) bugger. there goes all my music too. meh. better than losing contacts tbh.

Broken Glass...

2009-05-18T13:38:00.002+08:00

Augh. been having a cold... stupid stupid throat feels like i ate a bowl of broken glass. hope i'm up to the company i've gotten planned for this evening. but that's not all. i wake up and get emails from TWO professors telling me assignments are due soon/we better get started or i'll be in trouble. one is stressful enough, but two! strangely i'm more motivated than ever to just type and continue typing. screw trying to get better and resting. i'll have time for that next week. i've got no time for sleep, not for the next 4 days at least. come hell or high water, THIS THISIS WILL GET DONE!

sometimes i wonder what happened to the highly motivated me that started out wanting to write the best thesis on earth hahahaha.. what went wrong? it doesn't matter.

3am...

2009-05-14T00:52:00.002+08:00

it's never a good time to be awake. delirium sets in and i've got myself in a tizzy because i think i've lost my passport. after some frantic searching, i remind myself to BREATHE and take a break.

lo and behold (pardon the overused expression) i found it inthe first place i looked haha.. it was in such a stupid place. in the bag i'd never go home without hand carrying. i really should get some sleep, but clare's here, and it's been such a long time since we've had a sleepover, on top of recent events, that i'm thankful for every second of delirium. it's nice to have old friends around. (i realise that i've known clarence for nigh on 11 years and abit now.)

okay time to eat and try and control the disorganised mess that is my ~~room~~ life.

p.s. the first person i thought of asking was you. wonder what that means.

chicken rice and friends..

2009-05-12T23:08:00.000+08:00

Good food is flavourless without good company.

Now what am I gonna do with my mountain of baked goods? Lol. Dungu la. Study hard. Be thesis god next week. No wow. No webcomics. Nothing but my mountain of papers and me typing furiously in the midst of it all. The drums of war beckon. And I answer the call.

Break Up Cake.

2009-05-06T22:49:00.005+08:00

i'm tired. so very tired. but it's alright.

i'm hungry. i haven't had more than a small bowl of fried rice all day long. but it's alright.

i'm confused. confused enough to call the one person i know i shouldn't call. but it's alright.

i'm sad. sad enough to talk to everybody i know, knowing that satisfaction will not be granted. but it's alright.

i'm trying. trying to be a normal human being, but all it has led to is more thinking, and more pain. but it's alright.

because i've baked a break up cake.

people say baking a cake is therapeutic. (well if you haven't heard anyone say it then i'll be the one to say it.) and you know what? baking is therapeutic. at the end of it all, you're tired, you're hungry, you're running on 3.5 hours of sleep and a long day behind you, but it's alright. because there's one thing you ain't thinking, and that is painful thoughts. i'm a wreck. the kitchen's a mess 2.0 (i cleaned mess 1.0 up and made a fresh one just taking the cake out and doing the icing.) but i am at peace. there's no space in the brain for breakup pain. everything else is fighting to have it's say.

and you know the best thing?

THERE IS CAKE TO EAT.

p.s. mental note: the hand mixer is a bitch to use. especially for cake batter consistency. i used it so hard it broke (i just bought it today!). it helped my situation, but anyone else please just buy an electric mixer and thank god you're not amish.

p.p.s. make sure not to tell anybody it's break up cake. they'll start setting me up with hos' just to get cake.

all of the stars, have faded away.

2009-05-02T02:08:00.004+08:00

just try not to worry, you'll see them some day...

there's nothing like a long stint abroad..

2009-04-17T01:02:00.000+08:00

To make you miss home. All I wanna do right now is sit in a kopitiam all day in slippers watching Phua chu Kang or something, drinking teh tarik and eating ngor hiang and other assorted wrinkly deep fried things.

And there's nothing like 2 day old lamb roast to give you the mother of all diarrhoeas.. :(

the less you know a person...

2009-04-15T00:01:00.000+08:00

The easier it is to love them.

inheritance

2009-04-14T12:49:00.000+08:00

I was just thinking of the things I've inherited from my parents..

I think I've got my fathers cheekbones, my mother's chin, not sure whose eyes.. Dad's complexion,
Mum's toes.. Dad's ears.. And high cholesterol. Lol!

Mum's short fuse and dad's temper.. (I really don't know why any girl would wanna date me)

I've got mums love of rock and dads love of the classics. Definitely mums i-don't-wanna-study-chinese..

Really can't decide who I got my indecision from, but that's the point, isn't it?

Dad's love of dogs and mum's do-what-makes-me-happy-in-life-ness and dad's fix-it-ivity.. Granddad's love of leather jackets.. And grandma's super chao ji lepak-ing skills just about sums it up.

We aren't grown. We're made.

aimless...

2009-04-12T23:04:00.000+08:00

I hate waking up and bumming around not feeling the least bit productive as I see the day slowly disappear, knowing that I got stuff to do, if I would only start.

Must.. Do... Work!

P.s. Itching to watch a movie. Something good.. Doesn't even have to be recent!

All Nighters

2009-03-28T03:46:00.000+08:00

Sometimes pulling an all nighter just for the sake of doing so is a good way to convince yourself that you're still young.

After watching the igallop ad on YouTube.. "they should make a show called zhng my igallop" popped into my head..

..ogod I'm delirious. Maybe sleep isn't such a bad idea after all.

it's weird in my headspace..

2009-03-26T20:17:00.000+08:00

Somedays in a row, I don't feel like myself strongly enough to be able to go out there and deal with the world. Maybe I need family to ground me in what I am. Or maybe I'm just broken. Whatever it is, I sure could use some mum driving me to school n stuff every once in a while.

of mice and despereaux...

2009-03-25T13:50:00.000+08:00

Sometimes it doesn't take much for your dreams to come true. You just have to see it that way. :)

Words

2009-03-23T00:44:00.001+08:00

Is the word of the preacher closer to the word of god? Or is the word of your heart closer to god? What makes him more qualified to tell you how to live your life?

the airport part 2..

2009-03-23T00:31:00.000+08:00

Apparently there was a fight where 15 guys came to give their bikie "friend" a reception. Bludgeoned to death by one of those airport pole things. Details at www.smh.com.au.

Royally annoyed with hpy. Taking a joke too far and just being rude. Maybe I'm just tetchy today. I think I need a workout. And a proper schedule. Feeling a little lost and messy atm. Who am I? Sometimes it's hard be myself, only because everyone seems to disagree with the way I conduct my life. Is cloistering myself in my netspace the answer? Sometimes I don't feel strong enough in my convictions to face people. Maybe my new lamp will help. Less netspace more headspace might just be the answer after all.. We'll see.

the airport..

2009-03-22T14:55:00.000+08:00

Is so crowded! And there's police everywhere and quantas departures is closed off to most cars.. We ended up running for the gate like those people you see rushing for their flights and give a tsktsk/judging look to.. The girl made it. Didn't help that there was the usual computer system cock ups at quantas either. On the way out there were forensics taking a video at a cordoned off departure gate lounge. Very curious as to what happened.. And now i'm late for my raid. Sydney busses are waaay too unreliable. Augh.

i snack when i cook...

2009-03-17T17:41:00.002+08:00

which means that by the time my giant bowl of meatballs in avocado cream is done, i've lost my appetite and only eat like 3 meatballs.

they were pretty meatballs though.

i made them!

yeah these 2 photos were taken at the same time. THAT many meatballs. and 3 avocadoes.

feeling abit sick thinking about it now. blegh haha

the herring sandwich was good though. om nom nom...

25 things about me..

2009-02-19T10:26:00.002+08:00

yaknow, the facebook thing is just SO passe. and since i've passe-d on the facebook phenom, i'll just do my own version.

1. i like cold weather and the clothing options it opens up.
2. i think i invented chai with a shot of coffee. they should name it an alex.
3. i like to cook. it stems from a desire to play with food.
4. i like to eat nice things, but that only comes after..
5. my life goal is to travel the world. not money. not children. not power. travel.
6. i slack way too much, and denial is a problem.
7. i pavement cycle without a helmet and loud music in my ears. this has led to no accidents. so far.
8. my favourite comic artist is joe madureira.
9. i gave a kid the finger when i was 5. i didn't know what it was.
10. i was obsessed with symmetry as a kid.
11. i never got afternoon naptime as a kid. not in kindergarten anyway. falling asleep on grandpa's lap is not a nap. it's a pasttime.
12. i find it easier to talk on msn than irl. especially bout the srs stuff.
13. i'm ranked 13th in my guild on wow. which is ranked 14th on the server.
14. my favourite comics i regularly read is xkcd, and second up is C&H, third is Megatokyo.
15. i don't eat a lot of candy. but i still get cravings. if i buy candy be prepared to eat most of it.
16. i have a weakness for guitars. i have to own one. i just don't play it a lot.
17. i can stand frogs, geckos, snakes, and sometimes spiders, but not cockroaches. oo crickets are cute too. cheeky buggers.
18. my favourite bar is walawala, and the theme song would be champagne supernova.
19. my favourite band is unXpected.
20. i ate mentos non stop in jc to stay awake. and the wrappers covered my table. so much so that my teacher asked my parents if i had a sugar problem.
21. i'm horrible at chinese. the best i ever got was B4 at o levels.
22. things i've dropped in the toilet: pencilcase. things i've dropped in a toilet full of diarrhoea: wallet.
don't ask.
23. i don't have many close friends, but the ones i do have seem close even when we're far apart.
24. i love to drive, but i'm horrible with directions. when in doubt i just keep driving.
25. i manage to end up in hospital about once a year. the latest one was because of a scratched cornea.

there we go. wow. that was harder than it looked. okay time to eat, pack and fly.

have a break... have a charsiew.

2009-02-17T21:57:00.004+08:00

i've been on a long break, but it does put things into perspective. what is, after all, a holiday? seasons come and go, and so do exams, people, and eventually, life. but the thing everyone who has to deal with life (responsibilities, expectations and especially other human beings) looks forward to a holiday more than anything else. here's where i put my thoughts down so that i won't forget.

the past week wasn't exactly what i had in mind of holiday. what is a holiday, really?
i do go in for the traditional xmassy holidays with the presents and stuff, but that's not what i mean. a calendar holiday is more of a festival than a holiday.

let me explain. the parents came over last week to visit me, but it ended in me having a really busy run up to it, booking hotels, organising where to eat, stuff to do, and places to visit, which continued on till they left. (kudos to the girl for being there for me and helping me call and book hotels, even calling thailand to change a booking or it'd end up being a whole new '07 fiasco) even while eating good food and sleeping on sofas and lumpy foldout beds, i can't say that it was much of a holiday for me. a lot of the time was spent in a state of discomfort. (partly due to the most rain i've seen in a long while, and also partly due to dad's desire to walk in said rain sometimes, leading to much discomfort in the back of my throat and almost-full-blown flu) it also felt strange to be away from the internet so long, (i'm a geek at heart) but i guess it was awesome to get a new perspective on things that are experienced while not getting a monitor tan at the same time.

but i think what a holiday is to me is either
A: to spend time (lots of) doing stuff that i enjoy, guilt free
or
B: to spend time (again, lots) doing stuff that involves self discovery. i'm big on spiritual growth, as well as reflection (thank you sji religion class)

with lots = anything more than a week.
bonus points if it happens somewhere pretty.

sadly, most people think holidays are C: going somewhere and seeing everysinglething there and doing everysingle thing until at the end of it all the memories all contain a haze of discomfort and you can't remember much anyway because you saw everything too fast and didn't experience it, and everything is just one blur that shares a common theme.

but always, there are moments when you just slow down and take a moment..

... to smile and take pictures with various articles of furniture.

guess that's all i wanted to say. took me a while to realise that.
i'm not unhappy, but i'm not happy either. i think i'm just tired. and grumpy. the inner grump is unsatisfied till it's had its rant. (a lot of backspacing was done.)

Passerà, Passerà..

2008-11-10T21:35:00.003+08:00

Songs are not written, they are born by themselves
they represent the things that happen everyday around us
Songs! it's enough to catch them
There is one also for you
who also has difficulties in life, and who never smiles
Songs are like gypsies, they steal poetry
they are deceptions like the so called "happiness pills"
Songs never cure love or illness, but that little pain that they give us
makes us certain we exist
It will pass, it will pass

If a boy and a guitar are there, like you, in the city
looking at this life, which does not work
that kills us with illusions, with the passing of songs
life will pass over us
We'll go to the bank eventually with our "why" and "who knows"
and the anxiety of imminent poverty
Talking about the lovers you don't have,
singing a song that you don't know
because you lost it inside
and you will only remember
It will pass...

In a world of cars and high speed
for the ones who arrive always last
for the ones who say good bye
for the ones who bump against
the obstacles of diversity
Songs are fireflies that sing in the dark
It will pass sooner or later

This little pain inside of you
inside of me, inside of us
that make us feel like sailors
at the mercy of wind and nostalgia
singing a song that you don't know..
But that little pain
be it hate or be it love
It will pass, pass, pass

Even if you'll sing just "la la la"
It will pass, it will pass
A song will be useful for something
if your little pain
be it hate or be it love ...will pass

-Il Divo, 2004
lyrics from here, editted for better readability, translated from italian.

hello once more...

2008-11-04T13:26:00.007+08:00

i have concluded that dolphins are gay. and dolphin handlers are hot. with names like tinkerbell and phoenix (the dolphins, not the handlers) i'm glad dolphins don't understand english or they'll jump out of the water and smack humans around more..

"what's it like to be a baby dolphin? it would be really scary, do you think?" and the tv presenter wearing an, uhhh.. well.. i don't know what that is, but i wouldn't wear it.

oh and i made dinner the other day.. bacon wrapped kangaroo steak marinated in garlic and herbs.. it's crap on presentation but i'm pretty convinced it's the best i could have done in terms of taste. roo is still tough as hell though. and unless i'm willing to hammer the steak (i don't own a hammer. will probably have to use a bottle or something. and if it shatters, well, the steak will just have crunchy bits now, won't it?) for an hour or so, i'm gonna have to keep chewing on roo if i'm gonna continue eating roo.

oh and the girl came by on her way to new york this past weekend.. we bought a dvd player after a lot of drama involving late night bus rides, walks down dark alleys, avoiding crazy drunk people and 2 very frustratingly broken dvd players from coles.. but i've got no time to watch dvds. how tragic! i reckon once exams are over i'm gonna wow and watch dvds till i vomit little sea monkeys.

anyway we were on the bus the other day and there was this couple sitting behind us talking damn loud. the guy was telling the girl how he and other guys go for hookers and how the hookers love him and how he lasts damn long and they love him and how some guy bought him time with hookers cause it was the guys birthday and he probably loves him.. and the girl was lapping it up like he was Diablo III and sounding very white trash, talking about how she doesn't get hangovers and she's amazing but mostly hanging on to his every word about his amazing wing wang. and thank god they got off the bus before us and gave us some peace. really didn't expect the girl to be asian though. i thought white trash was only a term for white people. apparently not anymore..

thing is, they reminded me of someone. *cough* who loves talking about his amazing penis and secretly craves validation and does it by putting everyone else down. (for fuck's sake it's my own business what i watch. it's my tv, my dvd player, my dvd. i KNOW you've never watched it before, so you have NO RIGHT to judge it, and you're an alcoholic who doesn't know it. i'm just glad you stay in your room so much because i can't stand more of you than i already see.) and the thing is, if it weren't for stef and the rare want of company or human decency, i wouldn't see him at all.

(and you smell.)

anyway i was on the bus back from the airport hearting my new shure mic attachment on the iphone giving me a very nice sound transmission to my sony earpieces.. and it was only halfway through the journey that i realised that the old man sitting next to me was talking to himself. quite loudly. and sniffing/blowing into a tissue (couldn't tell which over madonna) and burying his head between his legs from time to time.. (how do these weirdos afford to ride the bus??)

anyway it's pretty meH. the girl is in New York. the boy is in ICT. and i'm lonely online writing a shitty essay with a messy mind. augh.

11 more days. and WoW will see me ~~dying~~ kicking ass in Azeroth once more.

why does it seem that..

2008-10-20T21:50:00.003+08:00

the things you want in life never seem to end.

and

my girlfriend is right. it's so annoying. i AM getting more pimples. stupid headache/sorethroat/apathetichiatusfromwork

i watched 3 seasons of how i met your mother in what is effectively 2 sittings.. i don't think life will ever be the same again. but i say that every time.

p.s. wishlist updated. walked into an iAxe while mussing through the school's apple store thing.. it had a really shithouse box that was tattered but the Awesomeness of the iAxe shined through. i was bathed in Awesome rays. but seriously. it's Awesome. not a Gibson Les Paul Digital, but a damn fine piece regardless. okay i'm gonna go fall sick now. ugh.

Melbourne once more..

2008-10-01T05:56:00.001+08:00

I'm back in Melbourne.. Thanks to a probably ill advised long nap yesterday.. I kinda spent all night drifting in and out of sleep..
Which meant I was bouncing up and down on the bed at 6am wanting to go to maccas hahaha.. That's the sunrise from inside maccas..

Can't actually decide if I like sunrises or sunsets more.. I think it depends on the conditions. Sunsets are nicer after a long day or a good workout. =) sunrises are better when it's the weekend and there's nothing to do but walk in the park and stuff. I think I'll take the new dog to west coast park for brekkie when I get home. =)

Okay time to get some work done. =) all hail the latest version of shozu! The keyboard isn't buggy no more!

The line at the airport was..

2008-10-01T05:47:00.001+08:00

Ridiculously long!! Arrived an hour and a half before my flight.. Stood in quue for an hour. Thank god for self check in (so I wouldn't miss my flight) and iPhone (so I won't have to resort to playing with the hair of the person in front of me to entertain myself)

Strange couple tried to cut queue by talking to me but I was too busy with dexter. They still did though, hovering behind me really closely.. A little creepy actually...

With the new season of smallville...

2008-09-28T23:57:00.001+08:00

Started, I figured this is relevant. We don't need superman no more. Ceilingcat is all powerful!

EB games is coming.. To town!

2008-09-28T16:08:00.001+08:00

*sung to the time of Santa claus is coming to town*

I wake up to the strangest things floating around in my head..

Guess who's opening a branch downstairs! XD

2008-09-27T23:49:00.001+08:00

Food cravings...

2008-09-27T10:25:00.001+08:00

Didn't wanna seem too dodgy taking this photo.. Was so kancheong I almost got run over while crossring the road lol.. Roadkill alex haik..

Anyway pondok buyong is where I go when I feel like eating hawkerish food.. (I didn't usually eat a lot of hawker food before I was 18 somehow..) not very close to uni, but it's the only place that satisfies my cravings for Indonesian mamak fan choy. They serve a range of things from sambal egg to chicken curry and lamb brain curry, but I usually go there when I have a craving for tripe curry. The chicken giblet curry isn't bad either.. It's just this squishy but firm quality about tripe that you don't find in any other food..

It does feel somewhat like home though.. Or Malaysia.

Nuff' said roflz

2008-09-26T16:33:00.001+08:00

Spring is here...!

2008-09-26T07:08:00.001+08:00

Well, kind of. The weather seems as indecisive as I am.. Can't post too long. Apparently this app has a word limit.

I got an iPhone! Its awesome being able to check my mail wherever. To watch dexter when I'm waiting for class to start (which means I don't actually mind turning up early for class now lol!) and I've even been reading Anne rice on the bus! The keyboard takes some getting used to but otherwise it's very intuitive. I can even make calls on it! (which is rare enough.. LOL)

In fact, I've been wasting so much time adding all these ling ling long longs to this phone, I haven't actually had time to get any work done lately. But I really should. My to do list can't fit on one page of the phone anymore. Thank god next week is the break! Fridys never seemed so awesome.

My bed..

2008-09-18T15:46:00.001+08:00

Yes that's a giant mountain of laundry... I figured I've got a queen size bed and a lot of stuff this week... No sense in being a smelly wonton as well...

In my defense there are like 4 pillows under that pile...

There she goes...

2008-09-18T15:40:00.001+08:00

There she goes again...

And I just can't contain.. This feeling that remains..

2 mid sems today... Left me emotionally tired, and made me realize just how much I need to be mr organized once more... It'll be easier somewhat with the girl back in singapore on holiday I reckon... I'm always something of a mess for a week or so after we part.. Time for a 2 hour nap and up to do assignments later...
Pity I forgot to take a photo of the international fair at school today.. Not exactly very elaborate but they do get more points for effort than is the norm.. It's international week! Now I think of it I can't imagine why the rock concert that goes with the fair would be called "rock off for racism"... Doesn't exactly bring the meaning of it out despite having the basic words in the title lol...

Anyway it's naptime. Need a little shuteye before I hit the books.

I've always preferred assignments to exams...